your story is not everyone else’s

8 July 2019

 

Learn.

Challenge mindsets.

See the world through multiple lenses.

 

Dating. 

Y’all, I’m going to share about something that I’ve been scared of for most of my life.

Dating.

Last week I read through a handful of previous blog posts I’d written. It was fun seeing the growth in my writing and taking risks to share what was on my mind and my heart in those moments. I saw courage, I saw Andrea learning how to become Andrea.

I laughed at my random thoughts, and silly comments. 

I was challenged by my questions and process.

 

There’s something about being vulnerable, even through words that you are now reading on your computer/tablet/phone screen, even though we’re not face to face or talking on the phone, there’s an element of vulnerability and risk here. 

Sure- I’m safe from vocal rejection, criticism, or negative body language. I could read through this again, and decide not to share what’s in my heart at present. There’s a certain security of being a screen away from you. I can put up my arms and you can only come that close. 

 

I’ve been scared of the vulnerability and risk in dating for…..oh quite some time. 

I’ve been victim to the Hallmark Christmas movies that revolve around a relationship.

I’ve been sucked into the love triangle in shows like The Office; I sit there and gawk and awe at the words that have been carefully thought out, rewritten and rehearsed to perfection.

I’ve felt the heart warming feeling when you see the couple at the end of the two hour drama FINALLY kiss.

I have fallen victim to these fantasies since I was in junior high. (I have a love/hate relationship with those romantic comedies I find myself watching again and again…)

 

FAST FORWARD >>

I won’t drum on about my high school and twenties….

Let’s get back on track here: vulnerability & risk.

I’ve written about risk in the aspect of moving, because this is something I have experienced and it’s a big part of my story. 

Why did I bring up dating?

Well, to be frank, it’s not easy to talk about with you, said person I may have known for years, or said person I’ve not met and you’re a stranger. 

 

In years past, I’ve had moments where I realize I want to get to this goal (in this case, I’m going to use marriage & family). I believe God has put a healthy desire of family in my heart. But how am I going to take steps toward that, if I’m just sitting in my room watching these movies? Andrea ten years ago didn’t know how to have guy friends, so how could she dream about marriage when she was too scared to even talk to them? 

Thankfully Andrea today is not too scared to talk with guys. Would my life look a whole lot different if that were the case. 

What I’m getting at, I have to be realistic and take steps. I have to give myself and others grace as I LEARN to relate, and face the fears I have with sharing me. 

 

SO, dating.

What have I learned?

Everyone has a story. That story is not automatically going to look like your own.

I realized just a couple days ago, that I’ve been looking through my singular lens of dating and subconsciously assuming the guys I’m interested in, come from the same background and are in the same boat as me. 

But, in talking with a new friend, I realized that’s not always the best mindset to have. This friend had asked if I had kids. In my response, my tone was one of “I’m single, of course I don’t have kids!” My new friend, who was so kind in this conversation, did not take my tone offensively and gave insight that you just never know. 

True.

 

I assume a lot. Which sets me up to be closed off to hearing or asking about someone’s story.

 

Which sets up my mind to be closed and think that everyone is like me. 

 

That’s just not so! 

I can see that as I get older, the same mindsets and thought patterns repeat. I can see how it can get harder as I get older to change mindsets.

 

ALL this is to share something I’ve realized (and God has pointed out before), but I need to remember it again and again: 

Everyone has a story. 

Their story is unique. 

It’s probably messy. 

It takes facing your fears to share your story. 

Listen to someone’s story. 

Don’t be afraid to ask about their story, though it may be very different from yours. 

 

I have a story.

Our stories matter.

 

This doesn’t apply to only dating! Thank you Captain Obvious! Haha

Wherever you find yourself in this season of life, this summer, this month, ask someone about their story. Listen. Be kind. Be interested.