Transparency //

 

I’ve had some major breakthrough in this area of communicating what’s in my heart over the past 3 weeks. I thought, “Man I could write this in a blog & share the breakthrough I’ve been experiencing… The courage & bravery I had… How I’ve seen the affects of giving my heart a voice.”

 

I could share a snippet of the mixed emotions & thoughts throughout my days as I’ve been transitioning back into the workplace after 15 months of NOT being In the workplace.

 

I could share the life & joy I feel to be reunited with my friends in real life. It’s a place I feel loved & important.

 

I could share all these things & more, but today I’ve been feeling meh.
I’m currently eating cheese & have already had half a glass of wine & kinda feel like shit.

I’ve already eaten my “dinner” (which may or may not be my dinner & just a snack) & it’s nearly 5pm. I skipped my run today bc as I was about to leave, it started to rain & I wasn’t feeling like going.

Am I the only one who feels the pressure to have my shit together all the time? Is that something everyone experiences? Does everyone experience it but feels too ashamed to share it because of their age or status of work or status of marriage & family??

Well, I give you permission to not have your shit together! No matter what your life looks like! You don’t have to have it together!

Isn’t that what transparency is?
Being able to feel allowed to say I don’t have it together without feeling shamed or less than?

You are not less than!

I am not less than bc of what I shared about my afternoon!

I’m not pulling the lazy card here & saying that I didn’t work out just cuz I didn’t feel like it. That’s not what I’m saying. If people think you’re just being lazy, but you feel they are saying “you’re less than”, I hear you.

 

// I’m back working in an elementary school & I had a realisation today. “Bad behaviour” in school, let’s take the example of not participating or scribbling on a paper or getting frustrated bc you didn’t get an answer right the first time…I have a new perspective on this.

We call it bad behaviour or acting out & we tell/ask the kid to knock it off, pull it together, make a different choice, whatever we say. If the kid feels they can’t get frustrated or mad (at school or home) those frustrations are pent up inside & they need to get out!
I get it!

If you’re frustrated & don’t feel allowed to express your frustration, you’re going to stuff it down as if into a bottle. Soon enough the bottle won’t be able to hold anymore & an explosion is impending.

Are we allowing our kids and selves to not have it together 24/7??

Do we expect perfection?

Are we so used to performance that’s all we know & anything that’s outside of putting a mask on is not allowed bc we don’t know how to deal with it.

😬

 

It’s okay to not know how to deal with it!!!!
It’s okay to feel!

It’s okay to be frustrated!

It’s okay to feel hurt!

It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling whether it’s positive or negative!

 

Look I’m no sociologist or psychologist or counsellor.
One of my major breakthroughs though, that I briefly mentioned up front, has to do with allowing myself to feel hurt & feeling allowed to communicate that.

Actually, for the past 28 years, up until this breakthrough, I never felt allowed to voice my hurt to who hurt me.

I was taught & shown to “just get over it” or sweep it under the rug. I didn’t feel allowed to talk about it until very recently!

// Did you hear me? I didn’t feel allowed to express my hurt. For 28 years. Tell me I’m not solo in that boat. //

I didn’t feel allowed to hurt or voice my hurt until a couple weeks ago!

Boy, let me tell ya it took guts on my part to voice it. Boy, I’ll tell ya when I voiced it, it took a while to get it out & give my heart a voice.

It was received well!

I was heard & not shamed & not made to feel something different.

L I S T E N : : Whatever you are feeling, about yourself, a friendship, a conversation, you name it :: it’s okay! You’re allowed to feel that way!
Now here’s my challenge : : voice it. Take some time to write it down & talk to someone you trust & feel safe with.

I don’t have this mastered by any means. What I do have are two recent conversations to look back at and say, “this is what I did & I want to keep doing it, and I’ve learned this from it.”

You’re heart is important & you need to give it a voice.

This is what courageous bravery looks like. This is what transparency is.

I believe in you.

Wired for connection

Who I am today has been shaped and influenced by the people I’ve met, friends I’ve made, cultures I’ve experienced, new things I’ve done, jobs I’ve worked, who I’ve lived with, and gotten to know. So on and so forth.
The common strand: people.
People have shaped & influenced who Andrea is today.

I was reading through some blogs, emails & journal entries from this time last year. January last year, I didn’t think the places I had been thus far in my time with World Race left a mark on me. I didn’t think I had left my mark on the country & people.
A year later, I see differently. I didn’t know it at the time, and it was not how I expected, but each country & people I got to know have left their mark on me.
I guess, I have left a piece of myself in each country, and a piece of the country gave me a gift.
You see, I expected deep connection everywhere we went. When that expectation was not met after the first month, I felt like a failure. I felt like I was approaching this experience with wrong expectations & for a time I didn’t know how to adjust my thinking & approach.

 

Memory & the brain is incredible. I can recall moments around a table eating or walking down the street. I recall little moments that may seem too small to remember, but that’s just it, I’m wired to recall those moments I felt connected to another human being.
It’s actually pretty dang amazing if you think about that for a minute.

314 days abroad.

That’s..

7,536 hours.

425,160 minutes.

27,129,600 seconds.
Here I am 75 days after the 314 days, and I can recall a moment (seconds or minutes in length) in that span of time & picture it in my mind like it was yesterday.
Tell me that’s not incredible.
Brain, you’re incredible. Thank you.

 

Where was I…people!
I would not be the Andrea I am today without allllll the people I met, befriended, listened to & laughed with this year.

Wow.

People.
You are people.
Thank you.
Reading how many hours, minutes & seconds make up those 314 days has brought my mind to a halt.
As will this post be brought to a halt.

 

Want to know more about my time with World Race? Blog site here.