F i v e MONTHS

Today marks five months since I came back into the US of A.

A couple days ago marked being back in Redding two months.

How is it that coming back into the States feels like it was just yesterday and simultaneously ages ago?

One year ago I was about 7,374 miles away from where I am now.
Over seven thousand miles. Across a vast ocean and on another continent.

Just this week I moved in with different roomies than the ones I had been with the first two months  here.

Transition last year was one aspect of the year I felt was difficult every time we left one place & stopped in another.
Transition into the States has been extremely difficult & complex.
Yet, this time around, I felt I was coming into a place I didn’t have to tiptoe around. I guess I could call this home.

Home is where I feel I can be myself.
At home I feel comfortable.
At home I don’t have to tiptoe around.
At home I don’t feel I’m an intrusion on someone else’s space.
Home I feel I can let my guard down.

Being in so many different homes last year, I think I learned how to make myself comfortable in a home whether it’s mine or feels like a safe haven.

I’ll be straight though- home is a strange concept & more of an idea to me. Home to me is where I can let my guards down & not feel judged. Judgement from myself or others. Home to me is most often with my closest mates. It’s less of a geographic location & more of a sense of belonging.

Home to me has been:
: a rooftop in Casablanca.
: in the company of my bestest mates.
: sitting in a tree.
: at the lake side.
: in my pjs on a slow morning.
: loving conversation in Nepal.
: learning to play cricket in India.
: curled on the floor crying surrounded in prayer in Nazareth.
: ice cream with a pal in Kathmandu.
: baking pie with a chum in Cali.
: knitting & processing on a couch staring at a Christmas tree in Washington.
: venturing with two sisters in Oregon.
: taco dinner with new friends.

// glancing back at the past five months, there has been so much to process & adjust to. I still have so much to process. Yesterday I read a chapter in a book that was exactly what I needed to read. ((Amazing how that comes about, and it’s happened almost every time I’ve sat down to read this book.))
The book is Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst. I highly recommend the read. Essentially the book is about rejection, feeling lonely & left out.
The chapter I read yesterday was about the in between stages of feeling the sting of pain, hurt, rejection & moving toward healing.
Pain- in the physical is a sign of something wrong, and it causes us to move toward healing. If we don’t feel the pain, how can we move toward healing? We must acknowledge the pain to move to healing.
I’ll let these excerpts speak for themselves… they spoke to me & I pray they speak hope to you wherever you are today.

// \\

Pain is the gift that motivates us to fight with brave tenacity and fierce determination knowing there’s healing on the other side.

Numbing the pain never goes to the source of the real issue to make us healthier. It only silences our screaming need for help.

Pain is the sensation that indicates a transformation is needed.

So don’t berate yourself for being in pain. It just means you are walking toward victory by not numbing yourself right now. You are making progress. You aren’t going to be stuck in this.

// Thank you Jesus for your constant encouragement when I tune my ear to hear you.
Thank you Papa you have never left me & never will.
Thank you for loving me every step of this unique journey I’m on.

You’re not alone friends.

I pray you’re encouraged today. Keep your head up.
I pray you have a space you feel at home & belong. A place you can be yourself free from judgement, whether it’s from yourself or others.

You matter.
You’re incredibly important.
This world you find yourself in needs you, the real you.
:: (( book )) Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited ::

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